Dear Sirs,

I ate a girl and I liked it.

Sincerely,

Rosie O'Donnell

Crotchrot, New York

 

Dear Sirs,

I ate a boy and I liked it.

Yours Truly,

Jeffrey Dahmer

In the bunk next to Bundy, Hell

 

Dear Sirs,

The only good thing about dying is that now I can finally scratch my balls.

Over and Out,

The Lost In Space Robot

Next to Billy's Mummy

 

Dear Sirs,

I sure wish someone would scratch my balls.

Rosie O'Donnell

Trumps Plaza

 

Dear Sirs,

Now that my old man has finally kicked the bucket, how do I go about collecting on his life insurance policy?

Sincerely,

Rosie (From the Jetsons)

Oil of Olay

 

Dear Sirs,

I've got good news and bad news. The "bad news" is that there are no luxary cars up here. The "good news" is... no midgets either.

Ole,

Ricardo Montabalm

Not My Fantasy, Island

 

Dear Sirs,

Yeah.... midgets... that's the ticket. I wasn't sharing my bed with little children, it was with consenting adult midgets. More later, I've got to call my lawyers.

Mik'eal Mohammed Jackson

Elizabeth's Taylor, Budai

 

Dear Sirs,

I'm a pepper, he's a pepper, she's a pepper, they're all peppers, wouldn't you want to be a pepper too?

Sincerely,

SaltNPeppa

Behind the Menu, Denny's

 

Dear Sirs,

With a knick knack paddy whack give a dog a bone, this old dog came rollin' home.

Yours Truly,

Michael Vick

Cell Block H

 

Dear Sirs,

What't the matter? Cat got your tongue?

Sigfried and Roy,

What the hell happened to us, Arizona

 

Dear Sirs,

What happens in Vegas, stays in vegas.

Sincerely,

The White Tiger that ripped Roy a new ahole

 

P.S. He tasted like "chicken."

 

 

Dear Sirs,

We don't understand the big fuss over that pilot being a hero for landing that disabled jet in the Hudson River recently.

Afterall, it's not like it hasn't been done before.

Sincerely,

John John Kennedy and John Denver

Waterlogged, Iowa

 

Dear Sirs,

Bailout? Did somebody say "bailout"???

Yours Truly,

Charles Manson

Pardon Me, Alcatraz

 

Dear Sirs,

Did you hear that one about the dutch kid sticking his finger in a **** to fill the crack and stop the water from rushing out?

Well we're here to tell you we tried it and it didn't work.

Sincerely,

Ellen DeGenerate and Portia deRossi

Lesbefriends, California