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Tom
Timothy
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Beth
aka.
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Melissa
Ron
penzfan
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ruralone
Mark
It's In the Mail
Dear Sirs,
I wanted to do something special for my daughter on Christmas, so I sewed her a nice large pocket.
When do you think it would be safe for me to remove her stitches?
Sincerely,
Bette Davis Thighs
Mommy Deadest, Budapest
Dear Sirs,
When I retired I didn't know that I would miss competitive racing as much as I do.
In fact, I'd give up my left nut to be in this year's Tour de France.
Yours Truly,
Lance Armstrong
Nutsack, New Jersey
Dear Sirs,
I just wanted to express my deep appreciation for your wonderful new product, the "Self Cleaning Kitty Litter Box."
There's no mess and they taste just like the granola bars I used to buy in the store.
Yours, Mine and Ours,
Rosie O'Donnell
Lesbefriends, New York
Dear Sirs,
So Rosie-O-Fat snacks on cat turds?
Please tell us something that we didn't already know. Like what her life partner uses to treat that mold around her lips?
Respectfully,
Donald Trump
Small Change, New York
Dear Sirs,
Do you realize that if Hilary Clinton wins the Presidential election that it will be like having two Presidents living in the White House?
Well, you know what they say... two heads are better than one.
Best Wishes,
Cheng and Eng Bunker
Siamese Twins Refuge Camp, Idaho
P.S. Hilary has our support, but we're still not sure if we get one vote or two.
Letters...we get letters...
Dear Sirs,
Go ahead and make fun of me all you want, but I'd rather have a "red" nose than be a "brown noser" like Prancer over there. I bet you he pees sitting down.
Sincerely,
Rudolph the Hungover Raindeer
Viagra Falls, North Pole
Dear Sirs,
Does anyone know how we could get in touch with Hustler publisher Larry Flynt? We've been taking a lot of pictures down by the stream and we were told he might be interested in purchasing some of our "beaver" shots.
Yours Truly,
Two Bears and a Chipmunk
Trolling for Dollars, Rolling Rock
Dear Sirs,
We'd be interested in Larry Flynt's number as well. While photographing our fine feathered friends we came up with some great spread eagle shots.
Sincerely,
The Calumet Bird Watchers Club
Shitcago, Alotofnoise
Dear Sirs,
How many albino lions does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb, one to turn the chair and one to grab Roy by the throat.
Sincerely,
Sigfrued Without Roy
Queens, NewYork
Dear Sirs,
Speaking of those two fruitcakes, what to Sigfrued and the lion who tore Roy a new ahole have in common?
They both know what Roy tastes like.
Sincerely,
Squiggy and Lenny
Near Beer, Wisconsin
Dear Sirs,
If I had a hammer,
I'd hammer in the morning,
I'd hammer in the evening,
And crush my parent's heads.
Yours Truly,
Lizzy Borden
Blastfromthepast, Hell
Where have you been? Time for some more Dear Sirs:)
Melissa08:06 PM CST