Dear Sirs,
I read, with great interest and empathy, your story last month about how distraught and heartbroken Mrs. Simmons has been since her son, Richard, disappeared without a trace.
My Dicky is missing too.
Sincerely,
John "Wayne" Bobbit
Bitchcutitoff, Massachusettes

Dear Sirs,
I've got some bad news for those terrorists who believe that when they die, they will be greeted in Heaven by "dozens of virgins."
Wilt Chamberlain died several years ago. There are NO virgins up here.

yours truly,
Johnny Wadd
Leftovers, Maryland

Dear Sirs,
We hate to disagree with someone as notable as Peter Marshall, but on a recent episode of "the Hollywood Squares," he said that the best way to stop your parents from yelling at you was to "clean your room."
"X" Should have gotten the square.
That's not the answer WE came up with.
Sincerely,
The Menendez Brothers
Cell Block H, San Quentin