Intercepted Letters to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

Do you think you could give me a new pair of shoes this Christmas?

My old ones seem to be all tapped out.

Sincerely,

Senator Larry Craig

I'm Not Gay Your Gay, Minnesota

Dear Santa,

It's true, I saw Mommy kissing you (Santa Claus), but you should have seen what Michael was doing to the elves.

Yours Truly,

Janet Jackson

NeverAgain Land

Dear Santa,

Barbie and her friends are so materialistic. I know Barbie wants a new corvette for Christmas so she can visit her cousin in Malibu, while her friends all want new outfits and cellphones.

Personally, I'd prefer some genitalia.

Sincerely,

Ken

Dear Santa,

Just to let you know I do all of my Christmas shopping at K-Mart.

That's because they've already got boys' pants half off.

Best Wishes,

Michael Jackson

Cots for Tots, Dubai