Dear Sirs,

Go ahead and make fun of me all you want, but I'd rather have a "red" nose than be a "brown noser" like Prancer over there. I bet you he pees sitting down.

Sincerely,

Rudolph the Hungover Raindeer

Viagra Falls, North Pole

Dear Sirs,

Does anyone know how we could get in touch with Hustler publisher Larry Flynt? We've been taking a lot of pictures down by the stream and we were told he might be interested in purchasing some of our "beaver" shots.

Yours Truly,

Two Bears and a Chipmunk

Trolling for Dollars, Rolling Rock

Dear Sirs,

We'd be interested in Larry Flynt's number as well. While photographing our fine feathered friends we came up with some great spread eagle shots.

Sincerely,

The Calumet Bird Watchers Club

Shitcago, Alotofnoise

Dear Sirs,

How many albino lions does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to hold the bulb, one to turn the chair and one to grab Roy by the throat.

Sincerely,

Sigfrued Without Roy

Queens, NewYork

Dear Sirs,

Speaking of those two fruitcakes, what to Sigfrued and the lion who tore Roy a new ahole have in common?

They both know what Roy tastes like.

Sincerely,

Squiggy and Lenny

Near Beer, Wisconsin

Dear Sirs,

If I had a hammer,

I'd hammer in the morning,

I'd hammer in the evening,

And crush my parent's heads.

Yours Truly,

Lizzy Borden

Blastfromthepast, Hell