Dear Sirs,

I wanted to do something special for my daughter on Christmas, so I sewed her a nice large pocket.

When do you think it would be safe for me to remove her stitches?

Sincerely,

Bette Davis Thighs

Mommy Deadest, Budapest

Dear Sirs,

When I retired I didn't know that I would miss competitive racing as much as I do.

In fact, I'd give up my left nut to be in this year's Tour de France.

Yours Truly,

Lance Armstrong

Nutsack, New Jersey

Dear Sirs,

I just wanted to express my deep appreciation for your wonderful new product, the "Self Cleaning Kitty Litter Box."

There's no mess and they taste just like the granola bars  I used to buy in the store.

Yours, Mine and Ours,

Rosie O'Donnell

Lesbefriends, New York

Dear Sirs,

So Rosie-O-Fat snacks on cat turds?

Please tell us something that we didn't already know. Like what her life partner uses to treat that mold around her lips?

Respectfully,

Donald Trump

Small Change, New York

Dear Sirs,

Do you realize that if Hilary Clinton wins the Presidential election that it will be like having two Presidents living in the White House?

Well, you know what they say... two heads are better than one.

Best Wishes,

Cheng and Eng Bunker

Siamese Twins Refuge Camp, Idaho

P.S. Hilary has our support, but we're still not sure if we get one vote or two.