I got this in an email, it was hillarious, thought you girls would get a kick out of it!

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The Home Wax Kit

My night began as any other normal weeknight.

Finish laundry,
fix dinner, have a glass of wine, e-mail the grandkids.

I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours.


'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet before I
go to bed'
So I headed to the site of my demise 'the bathroom'.

It was one
of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax...all you do is
just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
them apart and press them to your leg (or whatever else) and you pull
the hair right off. No muss, no fuss....how hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I can follow directions and I am
mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

(YA THINK !?!) So I
pull one of the thin strips out.

It's two strips facing each other stuck
together.

Instead of rubbing them together, my genius 'kicks in' so I
get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

(Cold wax, 'Yeah
right') I Lay the strip across my thigh.

Hold the skin around it tight
and pull.


IT WORKS! O.K.

, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't
tooooo bad. I can do this, I say to myself with a proud smile.

Hair
removal no longer eludes me! I am SHE-RA, fighter of all wayward body
hair and maker of the smooth skin (Extraordinaire)!
With my next strip I move north.

I prep for the ultimate hair
fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the
toilet.


Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right
side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretch
down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale
deeply and brace myself .......RRRRRRRIIIIIIIPPPPP!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!! OH MY OH MY!!! Vision
returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the
Strip.

CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted with bright stars.

I think I
may pass out...M U S T S t a y C O n S c I O U S...... M U S t- S t a
y...... Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe ____ _______ ______ O.K..... Back to normal! I
want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me
so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

I want to revel in the
glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!
There is NO hair on it!!!
Where is the hair???
W H E R E I S T H E W A X ?????
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

I
see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... IT'S NOT! I
touch---
I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part
of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.


I found the Hair... I found the WAX!!!
Then I make the next BIG mistake....remember my foot is still
propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something.

So I put my
foot down.


Sealed shut!!! My butt is sealed shut!!! SEALED SHUT !@!#*! (not
even air can get in there)! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to
figure out what to do ! and thin k to myself.


P L E A S E-- PLEASE don't let me get the urge to poop! .....
'My head may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax? WHAT MELTS WAX? My brain is
scrambling.


HOT WATER!!! Hot water melts wax.

I'll run the hottest water I
can stand into the bathtub... Get in.

I immerse the wax covered parts
and the wax should just melt and then I can gently wipe it off, right?
Yeah that will work!
WRONG!!!
I get in the tub, the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now,
the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in
scalding hot water!!! Which, by the way........ doesn't melt cold wax!!!
So - now, I am stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
myself to the porcelain!!!
God bless my adult kids who had convinced me a few months ago to
bring my cell phone everywhere, even to the bathroom!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has
some secret of how to get me undone.

It's a very good conversation
starter....'So my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of
the tub! There is a slight pause....she doesn't know any secret tricks
for hair removal under water but she does try to hide her laughter from
me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located.

She says are we
talking cheeks or hole or ho o-ha?' She is laughing out loud by now... I
can hear her!!! There is no shame in her disregard for my pain ...she is
rolling over with laughter. ....I wait.

I give her the run down and she
suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!! Right!!! I
say .. I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through
various possible solutions.

I resort to trying to scrape the wax off
with a razor.


N O T H I N G feels better than to have your girlie goodies
covered in cold wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub, in scalding hot
water, and then - try dry shaving the sticky wax off!!! By now the
brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I am pretty
sure I am going to need 'Post Traumatic Stress' counseling for this
event.

My friend is still talking with me and then I finally see my
saving grace...THE BOX.. .

the lotion they give you to remove the excess
wax!
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and
OH MY -- OH - OH MOMMASITTA !!@*! The scream probably woke my husband
and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's soooo painful, but I
really don't care.

It feels like an earthquake is forcing my flesh
apart.


IT WORKS!!! It works!!! I get a hearty congratulations from my
friend and she hangs up laughing while trying to sound soulfully
sincere.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice
to my grief and despair......THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.

Nothing
hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.


Next week I'm going to try hair color...............

AHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! I thought this was hilarious. Hope you all enjoy it.