After a little reflecting, I realize that I unfortunately post a lot of negative things! I should post more happiness :)

I am happy that today was in the 70's even though it's the middle of winter. NC's flunctuating weather isn't always that bad.

I am glad that I am finding time to work on my drawings and staying committed to filling up a new sketchbook.

I am thrilled that I found so much on sale at the flea market yesterday, there is NOTHING like a great bargain! lol

I am in love with my books lately. I used to wish that I had something interesting to collect, but I realize that I have hundreds of well loved and well read books.

Even though my studio room has not been added onto the house (not till spring), I still managed to make a nice space this winter in my spare bedroom, just for me and my work and meditation. It's a great place to go and forget what's on the other side of the door for a while.

I love my kitties. I have no children, and they are as close as it gets! I'd die without them. I don't care what people say, Levi, Milo, Otis, Kitten, and Lilo each have their own personalities, loves, hates, fears, strengths and souls.

I cannot stop listening to music!! All day long everyday, music, music, MUSIC. It seems to dictate my feelings, my mood, my life. Music makes me happy :)

My friends. Friends that I have had my entire life, friends that are tight as family, friends that are distant but still in touch, friends that I have never even met---I am fortunate for each and every one of them.

My health. If I could live to be over 100 I would!! I wish I could live forever.

There ARE things that I am happy about...things that I am blessed with...I just don't take enough time to acknowedge them sometimes :)

Pray for me :(

Like we don't have enough tension between us, now she has to ride with me this week...it's so darn tight in the Cherokee...going to be a thrill.

You guys know those cheap plastic mailboxes that have lids that eventually fall off the hinges? And instead of getting a new box, the customer will just "stick" the lid back to the front of the box, only so it will fall back off into the ditch when  you go to touch it the next day?

WELL, one of these boxes has been like this for a couple months, I finally just stuck the lid inside the box and left them a notice to repair their box. They finally had a new metal box up today with a note inside just for me:

"Please try not to break this box, because next time you WILL REPLACE IT!"

Just like that!! I never broke the damn thing to begin with, that's what happens when you buy a $5 box. I even wrote a note back saying as much (in kinder words obviously).

I never liked those people anyway.

I guess it's so hard because we have a TINY office...there are only a few of us and half of us are related or neighbors. The pm is the only supervisor in the office and I thought we were all pretty tight, but it's all an illusion. It's all a web of backstabbing and gossip and she's the spider in the middle.

I wish there were a stronger word sometimes...have you ever had someone in your life so sickeningly EVIL inside, so BITTER, so ROTTEN...it just makes me mental.

Monday was BAD (typical!) but the last 3 days have been relatively easy. We had money mailers on monday (the envelopes full of coupons) but I took them out Wednesday with a couple other people. And today we had walmart flyers come in (dated for 1st and 2nd) so I cased them all this afternoon...

My PM is so screwed up..its a long story, you think she's your friend one minute, but she's a backstabber the next...really small office, yadda yadda yadda...well she starts in on me this afternoon...

PM: (mockingly) "WOW, you cased ALL your walmart circulars? Gosh, now you're going to get back at 1:30 instead of 1:00!" (like, isnt that a shame or something!)

ME: "No, its quicker to have a boxholder for every person so every persons mail will be bundled tomorrow...its going to be severe thunderstorms/rain tomorrow and I need to be quick on the road"

That started a bunch of mouthing off from her...that I "have no route" that its "small" and there is "nothing to it" and that I am LAZY. Yes, I said it, she calls me LAZY. Because I took those damn coupons out 2 days after they came in. I took ALL my circulars and ALL my flats and letters AND all the parcels that came in AFTER everyone left LAST MONDAY. I am NOT lazy. I tend to do everything on Mondays so I dont suffer the rest of the week like everyone else. I didnt take everything this Monday because I didnt feel well.

So I said "NO. LAZY is when the boss cases peoples circulars FOR them."

This is referring to the fact that she always cases her little princess's mail for her (oh, and frequent shopping trips and lunch dates, in which she has to call her sub in to finish her route once every week or two)

So she starts insulting the way I LOOK! She started saying I had a big nose and all that! I opened my mouth to say something and she goes "what?" like egging me on. I said "no, it would make you cry."  what I wanted to say was its not NEAR as big as that HUMP on your back!! "oh, you cant make me cry" she says laughing.

I will remember that...I guess she forgot how she came to me in tears for consolation after a clerk ditched her friendship.

Its such a long story..the evil inside this PM. I wish I could tell you everything about her...I can think of another good instance of her hatefullness:

I had a couple cervical biopsies this year, yet I STILL go to work all day before I go, and I come to work the next day. Anyone else in that dump would use it as an excuse to stay home. Well I had some complications come around 2a.m. (about 12 hours later) so I called her around sunrise to let her know that I needed my sub called in, and that I had some complications from my biopsy. She goes "FINE" and slams the phone down. The complications were bad enough that I was crying when I called her and told her what was going on. The only word out of her mouth was FINE? No "are you going to be alright" or "call me later after you see a doctor"..and I only EXPECTED her to say these things because thats what a NORMAL person would have asked. And she has always INSISTED that she was my friend (she buys me crap, and hell she took me to get my belly button pierced after a cookout once). So I call her back and asked why she hung up..."SOME OF US have to work today, Carrie" and I was dumbfounded, like I could HELP what was happening. I said "why are you so COLD?!" and shes like "what do you want me to DO carrie?!" and I said "you're not even concerned"...I hung up and went to bed crying. Richard doesnt know why I let her get to me..maybe its a woman thing.

This has been going on every couple months for over a year now...her nuttiness is getting old. I just finally quit talking to her. It was easier that way. I took her out of my heart. She wouldnt speak to me, even work related issues. I just listened to my iPod while casing so I didnt have to hear her big fat loud mouth all morning.

She IM'ed me a week or so ago begging to be my friend again pretty much. FINE I said, but she is not in my heart. She will never be in my heart again. I just come to work...and go home.