It was in the early morning hour when even Craig Ferguson is asleep when I awoke to finish a step 3 grievance summary for a sister at another branch office. Not much is on television at 3:25 AM, but as I was surfing passed infomercial after infomercial, I stumbled across this Game Show Network. They were showing a Family Feud episode from 1978. I'll bet this is most boring channel we have in Colorado.

After finishing the paperwork on this grievance, a different game show called "Russian Roulette" came on. In this game, there is a giant round floor and 6 people that are standing on round indentations spread evenly apart in a circle around the perimeter of the floor. The host stood in the middle of them. "Welcome to Russian Roulette!" says the smiling host. Then he followed with some small talk, asking each of the guests where they were from, what their occupations were, and all of the other unimportant details of their lives that nobody cares about.

Finally, the game began. The host randomly selected one of the contestants to have the first turn. He gave her the question, and then asked whom she would like to challenge. She decided to challenge the creepy looking guy with glasses standing across from her. He got the question right so the next question went to him. This went on for about 5 minutes. Each time a contestant answered the question correctly, all of the money from their challenger went into their money pool. "Another boring show." I thought.

But suddenly, could it be? A woman answered a question incorrectly. The host turned to her, with a psychotic grin upon his face and says, "Sorry Lori! But it looks like you get to play Russian Roulette. Lock all the drop zones except for Lori's!" Drop zones? I didn't like the sound of that. A sense of foreboding swept over the audience. Suddenly I noticed something that escaped my sights before. A large lever was sitting sinisterly in front of each contestant. "Go on Lori. Pull the handle." She cautiously pulled down the lever. An eerie red glow suddenly lit up one of the indentations that a contestant was standing in. Then it flashed and appeared in the next indentation, rotating around the indentations as if it were a roulette ball. It stopped on Lori. A look of shock appeared on her frightened face, and the host let out a gleeful laugh. Suddenly the floor opened out from under Lori. She let out a terrified scream as she plunged into the darkness below. So this is why they call it Russian Roulette......

For a while I just sat there, in shocked silence. Lori. Where could she be? What became of that lovable little game show contestant that so easily stole my heart? That hole. That horrible, pitch black hole. What horrors awaited poor Lori at the bottom of that hole? Perhaps a tank of angry sharks? Did they smuggle her an undisclosed location? Is THAT why her scream lasted for an alarming 20 seconds? When will this madness end?

The scream of the panicked Lori still ringing in my ears, I decided that I must warn the world of the horrors of Game Show Network. And so here I am. Please, do your part; don't let another young, energetic Lori get dropped down that dark hole of emptiness! Lori was a friend. A wife. A MOTHER! Think of the children. Every night, as their grief-stricken father tucks them into bed, they hear it. I know they do. They hear their mother's screams. And they think, "Curse you Game Show Network! Curse you!!" Don't become just another Lori. Fight the evil that is Game Show Network. Do it, for the children!!!

On the other hand, what an interesting way to settle a grievance.....