Before writing this, I just finished reading Carrie's novel, I mean blog. I know she has been busy remodeling her house and dealing with an abusive postmaster, but, wow; can she write a blog or what???

It was sad because she said, "I wrote this lengthy blog and for some reason it got deleted and I had to re-write the whole blog again." At first, I felt really bad for her because that was one long blog. But then I realized that things happen for a reason. Did you ever wonder what happens to the blogs or the files that we delete online? I am here to share some important information with you. Everytime we delete a blog, it goes by the same way as those missing socks in the dryer, or the last piece of saved chocolate cake. There are these evil gremlins that sneak into your home and steal these items which are then sent to Eagan, Minnesota - that particular city is the world headquarters of the Country Buffet AND the payroll headquarters of the USPS. (Google it if you wish) 

Anyhow, when the gremlins drop off their stolen blogs, missing socks and the last piece of Suzy's birthday cake to the Country Buffet, this restaurant chain dumps all of these items into a giant vat which compresses and recycles these items into a thick gooey substance that is dumped into another vat labeled, "Food." All of the items at the Country Buffet on the dinner menu are made of these same ingredients. The assembly line at the Country Buffet dumps this substance into molds. And the process begins.....(PLOP) fish sticks......(PLOP) tater tots....(PLOP) creamed corn .......(PLOP) "meat casserole"......and so on. I am not making this up. :)

The Country Buffet truly runs a cost-effective operation, so now our Postal Service must follow this trend. This might explain a recent memo that has been roaming around our station:

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To All Pertintent USPS Personnel:

Mouse balls are now available through Operation Support. Instead of purchasing a costly brand new mouse, the USPS is now providing mouse balls to all of its employees. If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by a properly trained ET.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. American balls will be larger and harder than the foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. American balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not always sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that every ET have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum user  satisfaction, and if there are any employee missing their balls they should suspect management of removing these necessary items.

Thank you for your help.

Andy Perspurant, Director of Operation Support

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There aren't many choices left on cutbacks after slicing and dicing route inspections on city carriers, faking mail counts on rural carriers and faking info on the POS machines for SSA clerks (the subject of my next blog.)

When I went to shake the hand of my Function Four auditor, he let go to count his fingers. He only prays once a year, and the rest of the year he only says, "Ditto!"