Hello, my name is Joanie and I am Mark's faithful shar-pei. Apparently, my master is too darn lazy to write a blog on here so I suppose it is up to me. I don't know about the rest of you, but this weather is so darn cold. We got almost 3 feet of snow during Christmas week - but I love to run around outside even if there is over 30 inches of snow.

I am wearing my winter fur and I love to chase the squirrels out of our backyard. Can imagine those darn cats trying to live up here? Hogwash! Have you ever seen a bunch of cats pulling a dogsled? I don't think so!! They are pu$$ie$!! And that is how that phrase got its meaning. But I live with lazy men. Of course, there is Diablo - the world's laziest chihuahua. All he does is sleep and pass gas. Even his woo-hoo is tucked beneath his hind legs. He should be an effing cat!!

Diablo just stays inside and sleeps or hides under the blanket on the couch or hides in my master's bed. He can't figure out why people accidently sit on him when he is hiding from the cold. Dumb dog! I live around a bunch of lazy men. This is 2008!! Us females don't sit at home waiting for Ward Cleaver to get home from work so we can cook his dinner or clean the skid marks out of his undies. We have a life too!! I know of female dog owners that actually earn more than their husbands, but they still have to do all of the cooking and clean up the house.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put a remote control between his toes! How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? No one knows, it has never happened before!!

You may ask where this pent-up anger came from? Well, it started when I thought my master was a true dog-lover. My doggie confederate, Skippy, took a quick snapshot of one of my master's cakes in the kitchen of his shop.

It's a cake in the shape of an effing furball cat!! What a traitor!! I might just drop a deuce in one of his famous kitty litter cakes and watch the fun!! If his bakery doesn't pan out - he might just jump ship and see what brown can do for him at UPS. I told my master that he saw enough brown-nosing at the USPS - don't do it! Don't see what brown can do for you.

Take my word for it, when my master is not at work. He just lies around the house sleeping as much as Diablo. My master is so lazy he sticks his nose out the window and lets the Colorado winter wind blow it. Oh sure, he is good with those effing photo ops!!

Oh yeah, sure, pose nice and pretty with those 20-something humans at their engagement party and eat their expensive catered food while Diablo and I have to settle for Kibbles and Bits.  Then you come home and lounge around in your boxer shorts watching ESPN with your two day beard and beer breath. Uh-huh.....

Gone are the days where a powerful pit-bull could intimidate a cute female poodle into a relationship. We don't want a lazy chihuahua or a sleeping male master in bed watching his Denver Broncos game. We are looking for the same things now - a nice body and a charming person.

As I look at my younger brother Diablo, half-awake and peeking out from under the covers as my master goes to work - it only lets me know:

This female shar-pei thinks that men are losing their power. The shrinking pool of eligible educated men is small and adds fuel to the fire of you single guys finding a soulmate - especially during this Holiday season. Diablo has been lucky in finding love with our neighbor's chihuahua, Bambi.

Diablo has the hots for a "blonde" chihuahua. Unbelievable!! And that is why those human blonde jokes are so short.....so you human men can understand them.

But with all of these lazy-azz men that I have to put up with this holiday season, and my master bitching about starting his new business and his financial uncertainties, there is one thing I know.

My master used to be a postal clerk and lived within his means - never bowing before those who had more money or power in the USPS. Even when we lived in a tiny downtown Denver condo. Diablo and I lived within a houseful of love, laughter, security and love.

Perhaps, I should sell this idea to Hallmark for their next year's set of Christmas cards.

Loving pawprints (") (")

Joanie