I have been slowly attempting to close the Postal chapter of my life and start anew with the new chapter of my life as a small business owner. After 13 years in my old Postal gig, it seems to be harder than I thought. As a former APWU steward, I have learned that I built up a large online network of people whom advice I had sought, or postal people who wanted an answer to a question.

With all this talk of "mass layoffs" and total gloom, doom and despair, I would assume that number one issue would be: when do we get laid-off?" In reality, that is the "number two" subject of these e-mails. I will put on my mask as "former postal worker playing expert" and side with the tiny minority and say that I still don't believe that mass lay-offs will occur. Lay-offs are totally unknown territory for the USPS. Two of the biggest mistakes that APWU Pres. Bill Burrus made was wearing a mask as an apostle for Messiah-elect Barack Obama using the Washington Post as his political platform and churning the mass layoff rumor in his article. That particular article was more of political endorsement and not Union news. Burrus' second mistake was going for the quick and easy contract extension. Apparently, only the late Moe Biller and crew can negotiate a contract as Burrus has never negotiated a contract. Burrus and the NEB decided to not negotiate into the contract to grandfather those of you on the current payroll separately from the current contract. 

There is way to much mis-information about RIF (reduction in force) and "mass lay-offs." RIFs must be approved by the Office of Personnel Management. RIF is RIF and mass layoffs are mass layoffs. They are two totally separate issues. Please read the stipulations on www.opm.gov. Currently, you have the Healy award (Article 6) concerning mass layoffs. Unfortunately, in Article 12, the USPS  does have the right to abolish or excess jobs.

Does anyone on this site truly believe that the USPS have the intelligence or sophistication to arbitrarily layoff certain individuals on a payroll with with 700,000 people? The USPS would have a more effective easier out if they simply declared bankruptcy and asked for a government bailout. All of the current union contracts would become null and void and everyone involved would have to start with a clean slate.

Believe it or not, the number one issue I received in my e-mail concerns those who are being screwed over by FMLA. In this environment of "mass layoffs" there are still many people being screwed over by utilizing FMLA for family members. There are over-zealous supervisors that will wear masks as doctors and will dictate that you do not qualify. There are also some people that have a self-serving union stewards who wears the mask of that "caring big brother" but are only out for themselves. If you are being ignored by either - the reality is - you are on your your own. The answer: call your local Department of Labor office. Just as the USPS needs to take responsibility - if you are alone, you will need to assume responsibilty as well. If your local USPS is in FMLA violation, the DOL will fine them for their deficiencies.

But now, there is a far more pressing issue - my friend Beth says that wearing a large lime helmet is more effective in stopping alien transmissions than last year's tin foil hat. I just cannot find a large enough lime rind helmet to fit over my head. So now, I will wear my mask as "alien scientist" and offer some advice:

- Learn and speak Arabic. A research team at IMUPS (Institute of Making Up Phony Statistics) has proven that there has not been an alien abduction in Iraq and that, possibly, several aliens exist in Baghdad.

- The scientists at IMUPS presumed that aliens never landed at intelligent places like Harvard and Yale but always landed in open rural spaces like Intercourse, Pennsylvania. It is not because these folks are dumb rednecks. Alien spaceships need a lot of room for landing and transporting you back to their planet. So, please avoid these open outdoor redneck places.

- If you are stuck in an outdoor redneck place, always wave a frozen chicken above your head. The aliens will think that such a mentally disturbed Earthling is not worthy of their experiments.

- If you do get abducted by aliens, remain calm!! Aliens will attempt to pick your nose and declare that an intelligent life exists in there. Give the aliens your findings and try to leave quickly!! If the aliens won't leave you alone - bend over and give the aliens more interesting research material. 

I give this advice for free before taking off my mask as a scientific expert.

Speaking of freaky masks - how about that psycho governor from Illinois? Rod Blagojevich certainly put the "guber" into gubernatorial. This dude is so corrupt, he makes the folks at L'Efant Plaza look like angels! The betting online is that his "virgin seat" will go to highest bidder in prison!!

 It simply appears that too many people wear masks. They are in our personal lives and our business lives as well. I will leave you all with a story on masks by that "famed" miltary dude - Major Luke Twice (my advice giving mask):

You see me walking on your workroom floor in a suave and cocky manner. I appear to be looking down my nose at you but don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear for I wear a mask, a thousand masks -  masks that I'm afraid to take off and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that I learned well, but don't be fooled, I give you the impression that I'm secure, that all is well and within me and amongst myself and the brown-nosers of the Postal Who's Who, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game, that the water's calm and I'm in command and that I need no one, but don't believe me.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.  I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing and that you will see this and reject me. So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within and so begins the glittering but empty parade of masks, and my life becomes a front to you. I tell you everything that's really nothing, and nothing of what's everything - of what's crying within me. Don't be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying, what I'd like to be able to say, but because I am too insecure, there are things I can't say. I hate this hiding, honestly, I hate the superficial games I'm playing, this superficial phony game. I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous and ME, but you've got to help me, you too have to be genuine so that we communicate. Please don't patronize my mask! If you disagree - grow some balls and tell me!! Just don't pass me by!! It will not be easy for you. A lone conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back. It's irrational, but despite what Dr. Phil says about us, I am irrational, I fight against the very things that I cry out for, but I am told love is stronger than strong walls. In this lies my hope, my only hope, please help beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands--we are all children of God and we are all sensitive!!

Who am I, you may ask? I am someone you know very well. For I am every postmaster, supervisor and union steward you have ever met. I am your co-worker - whether you are a clerk, carrier or mailhandler. You see me every single day - but I wear my masks so well that you have simply failed to notice.