I have made this observation since working on the window:

Someone with a science degree will ask, "Why does it work?"
Someone with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
Someone with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
Someone with an Arts degree asks, "Is your package fragile, liquid, perishable or potentially hazardous?"

Life doesn't always work out the way we planned.

Since the Mystery Shopper Program was institutionilized in the Postal Service we have to ask the same questions over and over again like mindless robots. That first question we are required to ask, also known as the Hazmat Question seems to be only aimed at honest people who might not sincerely know what they can and can't mail.  A scenario like this would never occur:"Is your package fragile, liquid, perishable or potentially hazardous, Mr. Bin Laden?" If someone is hell-bent on mailing something illegal, they will find a way.

Plus, the HazMat Question is like a straight line for some of our customers. Some real responses I have received:

- Please define "potentially hazardous"

- Let me consult with my attorney

- I wish to exercise my Fifth Amendment rights

- What's the penalty for lying to a Federal Employee?

I am not without understanding, the Mystery Shopper program allows the Postal Service to see its operation through the eyes of the customer. The right input helps the Postal Service to focus on areas that need improvement based on the customer's reaction.

Most of the SSA questions revolve around upselling. From my experience, there are more appropriate situations for upselling than others. It seems unnecessary to badger our customers 100% of the time. Especially our regular customers who have heard our sales pitch over 100 times and who explicitly tell you what services that want. It seems like personal service to our customers is becoming punishable. perhaps out for fear that the customer may expect a positive experience every time. Thinking outside of the box is not tolerated. These mundane questions can provide consistent service we are aiming for consistently BAD service, keeping the bar low and wringing our existing customers dry.

The upselling approach began with, "Do you want fries with that?" and now other businesses are following this trend showing lack of regard for a customers time and their overall buying experience.

Here is what a typical day can be like now. It's Friday and you just got paid. If you don't have Direct Deposit, you go to the bank to cash your check. The teller greets you, cashes your check but before handing over your hard-earned money asks, "Do want a Premium checking account today?" You tell them no - "How about a Platinum Credit Card today?" You say no again - "How about life insurance?" No, I just want my @#$!! money.

Now you go to the grocery store to buy a few items. You are arrive at the checkout stand and are asked, "Do you want to buy this $5 paper shamrock for needy kids today?" You say no. "How about our Chef Boy-Ar-Dee pasta. 5 cans for $3?" Yecch, I hate canned pasta.

Now you need to pick up craft supplies at the local Michael's outlet. But, first you have to sneak by the Girl Scout's selling cookies before grabbing the few items you desire. At the checkout you are asked, "Do you want a Michael's charge account today." No, thank you. "How about a Michael's Charter card - you get 50% off purchase for marked items - only $34.95?" Enough already, no thanks. As I am leaving the store, the local newspaper tries to hit me up with a subscription.

It seems awfully simple. Customers that feel comfortable going to the post office or other businesses will likely return. If they feel hassled, they will dread returning for our services.

The Postal Service claims that this upselling technique has increased revenue. This may be true. Their theory might be like of the pervert that hangs around the local club and hits on every single woman that walks in there. He will probably rejected or slapped about 50 times, but eventually one will say yes. The lonely yes response will keep the pervert coming back.

I prefer the personalized service of the old days. I have quit shopping at Michael's and have returned to the arts and crafts place in nearby Englewood. It is a much smaller shop that has been there for almost 40 years. Their prices are actually higher and their selection is smaller. But the owner knows my name and I know his. He always has free coffee and tea available. We have swapped oil painting and cake decorating techniques over time and he has offered free classes if I wished to take them.

He truly cares about his customers and I am certain he would never ask me nagging upsell questions. To the other businesses I would just like to say:

Supersize this!

Today, February 18, 2008, is President's Day where we are among the fortunate few that don't have to go to our jobs today. In the last 60 days, I have seen Bill Clinton shmooze my national APWU president, William Burrus. I have also witnessed Hillary Clinton cozy up to William "Poodlehead" Young, president of the NALC. Here is an interesting video I received in my personal e-mail. It was originally aired on ABC News. It is of Hillary as a board of director member of Wal-Mart. http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/story?id=4218509&page=1 Notice, how she spoke not a word as the union organizer wanted to work with Wal-Mart. As you can tell, I will not be casting my vote for Hillary.

 Meanwhile, I feel like I am watching a tag team match on CNN - Bill and Hillary vs. Obama and Oprah. Barack actually spoke with the CPWU President via telephone for a few minutes on CPWU's podcast. http://www.cpwu.org/blog_radio.htm When you get to Obama's conversation he only mentions that we need change. He never explains how this change is going to happen - just that we need change. Good point, Barack! I recently put my dollar bill in the soda machine and got change. Change is good!

 So now we are left with John McCain and Mike Huckabee. A notorious McCain comment in Michigan (you know, the state where they banned "The Wave" because two Wolverines drowned.) Sen. McCain states, " Today's unions are ruining America's economy and countries like China and India are succeeding in the world market because of low wages." Enough said.

Now, I am only left with Mike Huckabee. My parents were victims of Katrina two years ago in New Orleans. One of the major reasons I like Mike Huckabee is his love and concern for all people of all colors and his great work for helping the many Katrina victims when he was governor of Arkansas, without any help from the federal government. There was no fanfare, no cameras, just excellent caring with a will to help the folks. Plus coupled with the fact that Mike Huckabee was the only candidate that bothered to show up on BET's (Black Entertainment Television's) presidential debates. Clinton, Obama and McCain apparently thinks that BET isn't good enough for them like CNN, FOX, ABC or CBS and that is totally unexceptable. The host, Tavis Smiley, is stuck having a one-on-one dialogue with Huckabee. One subject that arose on this "debate" turned into "monologue" was the disintegration of our unions.

Our union membership has sharply fallen. In the 1950s, approximately 35% of the workforce belonged to a union and today that figure is 12%. Obviously, the biggest roadblock was the passage of the Taft-Hartley Act which , with its huge restrictions on union activities, has proven to be a genuine impediment to the labor movement. The decline of the country's manufacturing base and, with it, a decline in those industry jobs which, historically, had not only been strongly organized but well paid, like the automotive and steel industries. When you lose your base you can't expect to maintain your membership.


Government has taken over major union provisions. From overtime pay to hours of work, to guaranteed days off and employees' rights and standards, laws have been passed by the state and federal governments to address such issues. Government has effectively co-opted much of what only union contracts used to do. At one time, you had to be a union member to get overtime pay and now there are federal statutes governing this. At one time, union contracts stipulated safety, Now with the passage of OSHA in 1970, the unions are not needed as much. Many non-union companies are matching the benefits of unionized companies to keep the organizers away. What hurts the most in these cases is that the people ("free riders") receiving these comparable wages and benefits think they're making it on their own, without having to rely on a union. In truth, without the existence of unions, there's no telling how low base wages for unskilled blue-collar work would fall, with nothing to prop them up except the  minimum wage law and this includes the Postal Service as well.

There is also less respect for union leaders and it's workers as well. At one time, Samuel Gompers was hailed as a hero. Now we are stuck with stories about Jimmy Hoffa's disappearance. There was a time when Labor Day had large parades through town, now we just sit at home drinking beer and watching the Jerry Lewis Telethon. Or when union workers picketed their workplace and the police were summoned, the cops would watch for a few minutes because they had deep-seated sympathy for the protestors. Today, they are treated as contemptable trespassers and they are arrested  on the spot.

With all of the current jokes wafting around like what is UAW? U Ain't Working or what is APWU? Alcoholics, Prostitutes and Whores Union - you get the idea.

Because working people like ourselves don't have the core respect we once had. It's as simple as that.
 

There we were gathered around the time clock for our ritual to another end of another day. A boring blog on my part of what happened at the Columbine P.O. in Littleton today.

14:46

We were all discussing about we were going to do on our 2 days off. Michelle said, "I am planning my daughter's birthday party and decided to bake about 40 cupcakes instead of a cake. Can I bake the cupcakes a day before and decorate them the next day? Plus, I want to make a frosting not as sweet as buttercream. Its a princess theme and I want make all pastel colors." I gave Michelle my idea on a "Cool-Whip/ Lemon frosting" using Cool Whip, cream cheese, butter, powdered sugar and juice from a grated lemon.

14:47

Josh said he was going to hit up the slopes at Keystone - (snowboarding, that is.) I wished him a good weekend and he starts to tell my co-workers that I am a grommet (newbie at snowboarding.) Josh doesn't believe in wearing goggles but I do. Josh is an airdog and loves to bone-out when he can. I just like to board down a hill and look at the scenery go by me - I'm not an X-Games boarder. I tell him I can do a lockdown as best as a New Orleans Jew can do on the slope and Josh says "Chillax, dude! I know you aren't a poser" (And they say we people from Cajun country talk funny....)

14:48

These last two clicks on the time clock seem to last forever. Don't you wish they had a knob on the time clock to turn it forwards or backwards for our starting and end times? For some reason, none of us have anything to say. I suppose because we are thinking about our time off.

14:49

The supervisor rushes up to our group, obviously ready to have an Ex-Lax moment, and asks who can stay for an extra 2 hours because they didn't schedule the window properly. Naturally, no volunteers with less the one minute before the end of our tour. Unfortunately, Josh, the most junior clerk gets stuck pulling an extra 2 hours because of poor management.

14:50

ET - End Torture.

I originally got on here to check my messages and go back to bed. One of things that Carrie and I have talked about on here are books. Apparently, we have the same taste in literature. This got me to think about how the classic novels would stack-up against things from the current world.

"The Red Badge of Courage" vs. "Green Eggs and Ham." The first is about a guy trying to overcome his fear of battle. The second is about a guy trying to overcome his fear of a three-week old Egg McMuffin. Which is best? I give the nod here to "Badge," purely because it does not contain the suggestive and troubling line, "Could you, would you, with a goat?"

 "Lolita" vs. Lo Mein. One is the tale of a man who cannot get his one-track noodle off a tasty dish, the other is a tasty noodle dish. Which is best? The latter, because thinking unclean thoughts about a pile of noodles never hurt anybody.

"The Catcher in the Rye" vs. Ketchup. "Catcher" is about a troubled teenager who is constantly expelled from schools. Ketchup is a condiment which is notoriously hard to expel from a bottle. My pick? Ketchup. Fries are lousy with troubled teens..

"The Sound and the Fury" vs. the sound that management makes when you catch them in a lie. These two are pretty much the same.

"VOE Guide for LLVS" vs VOE Surveys. True, not classic literature. The first one is about the Vacuum Operated Exhaust system. The latter can be used to line your bird cage. I choose the Exhaust book because it explains how to blow hot air OUT of a tailpipe - not Up it. Enough said.

When comparing apples and oranges, you are left with mere silliness whether it is a blog or a postal stand-up. And there is always a place for classic literature in our lives which is right there -  propping up my Playstation. 

Today I saw a customer whom I hadn't seen in eight months. She was a regular customer in line at the Columbine Post Office in Littleton. Unfortunately, fate dealt this young and beautiful woman with cancer and then later with diabetes coupled with macular degeneration and over time she became blind. I received permission to write her name on here because I asked her if I could. I will tell you who she is later. She moved to America to meet her future fiance on Valentine's Day. This is our quirky bond - at one time in my life, I was engaged on THIS VERY DAY four years ago - but things did not work out that way for me. Nor for her either, 18 years after the fact.

In 1989, after this person's fiance chickened-out and crept behind the bushes of life, she found out that she had cysts on both of her  ovaries which meant the removal of her tubes and ovaries. She knew at 23 years old. she would not be able to conceive children and she had begun menopause. She experienced her first hot flashes and she was totally uncomfortable.

A little over a year ago, she was diagnosed with diabetes and within the last year, macular degenerartion crept in.  Because her family and relatives live in Switzerland, they have never once visited her here in  the U.S. for both ordeals of cancer and diabetes.

I never knew ANY of these details when she came to visit me in the long P.O. line - not until today. It was obvious that she was blind and she was mailing parcels to her family in Switzerland. We would normally engage in the usual small-talk between window clerk and customer.

One day, I simply offered her a ride home - she wanted to go to the nearby grocery store - so I gave her a ride to both. No big deal to me, but she said that the paratransit service in Colorado charges $20 a ride, no matter the distance, including the Post Office. This woman values a ride more than a nice meal on the town.

Long enough,  blog shortened, I saw her today and she has met her soulmate and they are now married. He operates a therapeutic massage clinic in Denver. Denise, her real name, gave me 50 "free massage sessions" coupons in my line today. I passed those coupons to any available co-worker that I could find at 9:45 this morning.

This woman has found a loving man and they are married and live in Colorado. This woman's name is Denise Bielmann who was a star in our American-barred 1980 Olympic games. Denise does not share the same physical beauty if you Google her pic - but her heart is much larger.

I suppose Spauldo's last comment on my home page is true - the  best gifts are unexpected and a surprise.

Love is not something you feel. It's something you do. Love is also a canvas created by God and carefully painted  by our true feelings and imaginations.