"Incompetent managers, like fish, begin to smell after two days." - Benjamin Franklin from Poor Richard's Almanack and founder of our Postal Service.

Begining a blog with a quote from an intelligent person creates the illusion that you share that same kind of intelligence with that person. It's a perfectly wonderful scam.

Another scam that I have noticed is the use of acronyms in the Postal Service and, occasionally, online as well. Even the word "blog" comes close to being a acronym - short for "web log." I was going delve into the USPS/APWU aspect of this, but I have noticed that most of the people on this website are rural carriers. So I will explore the relationship between the USPS and the NRLCA.

The USPS love its mail audits and mail counts. Therefore, the USPS,  in somewhat of an accordance with the NRLCA contract is using the RAPS system to conduct the mail counts in conjuction the NQI. The NQI utilizes a combination of PETE and EXFC data subtracted of course from mail that is NSN, NSS or UAA. Of course, the intelligent carriers have PKR and handle that mail properly. Although CFS can alter NRM in the final analysis, an SOB may disregard the POM and use shortcuts in determining VOL on the MODS report. The OIC may use an AK-47 on a 47K and change it in a 41J in determining a WKLD. 

The overuse of acronyms in the Postal Service and online has led me to invent the Acronym Blaster. It is available in two sizes. The PAB (Postal Acronym Blaster) is a magnetic microchip that can be secretly placed behind the supervisor's yellow badge. Like a lie detector, the PAB is not as strong as its counterpart the OAB (Online Acronym Blaster) but is still effective. When the supervisor's voice pattern and blood pressure coincide with telling a lie - the PAB zaps the person from the microchip, through the metal clip holding the yellow badge.

Online, and perhaps, on the website as well, I have read LOL,  ROFLMAO and BRB. The OAB is more powerful and easy to implement.  It works in conjunction with your computer and your web cam. You only need a spare USB port, a standard 120-volt socket, and a microphone attached to your computer. You simply hook up the device by plugging it into the wall and connecting it to your USB port. There is also another clip, which you are to attach to some part of your body. Some working suggestions have included various unmentionable locations upon your body, but preliminary tests show that any area of exposed skin will work sufficiently. The device works like this. When you are chatting online, or composing E-Mail, and you enter one of these abused acronyms (or AA's), software will use your web cam and your microphone to determine if what you entered was in fact true.

For example, if you were to type in ROFLMAO  (which we all know is rolling on the floor laughing my ass off) then your system will check to see if it is true. If you are not in fact rolling on the floor laughing your ass off, you will receive a 120-volt blast through the wire that you have attached to your body.

With your help and vigilance we can overcome this postal and online acronym obsession before it destroys our world and before our children are taught to speak only in nonsense. I hope you all understand the seriousness of this issue, and that you do your part by purchasing the Acronym Blaster, when I can get an interested party to help me sell these devices on their website. .

I would like to thank you in advance for your support, and in closing all I have to say is WTF?

Today we are presented a gift of an extra day! There are no sales at the retail outlets commemorating it. No postage stamps honoring it. But because we have had to endure some of the nonsense in life for 3 years and 364 days -  there should be some kind of celebration or recognition.

For most of us, we will be stuck working an extra day at the P.O. this year. This does leave us with extra pocket change to celebrate St. Patrick's day -  whether it is a Dublin Car Bomb Cocktail or a Shamrock Shake.

One of the restaurants that I worked at before becoming a clerk had a "Leap Year Cocktail"

2 ounces gin
1/2 ounce Grand Marnier
1/2 ounce sweet vermouth
1/4 ounce fresh lemon juice
Stir and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Serve with a twist of lemon.

There also superstitions surrounding New Years:

According to Greek superstitions, it is considered unlucky for a couple to marry on a Leap year. According to Irish folk superstitions, only a lady can  propose to a man on a Leap year.  According to American superstition, it is unlucky to marry in any year :)

Today is extra day to do whatever you please. Because it is on a Friday this year, our local management is considering it an extra three-day weekend.

Maybe we can finally get some real work done around here today.

I originally was going to post yet another silly blog on here until I turned on the television and saw a 60-second commercial from the Law Offices of Ford and Harrison. Obviously, the ad was updated very recently because it was concerning the new proposed FLMA revisions of 2008. A few days ago, I had read a brief synopsis of the changes on the APWU website and on PostalMag.  But now this issue has gone well beyond the arena of what skeptics call postal and union activists. And well, it should - this issue affects EVERYONE that has a job.

Ford and Harrison has a wonderful history with the Postal Service. Originally, the law firm had one law office in Atlanta 30 years ago. They expanded to Denver in 1980 and later with more branches in the Southeast region with folksy commercials featuring Robert Ford as the savvy older southern Matlock trial lawyer and Brett Harrison as the younger Colorado smiling John Edwards type. Yet, this law firm fights vigorously on labor law issues. I want these people on my side.

For this blog I am lifting two links from the website Postal Flame. In Denver, there was a long-standing class action case known as Cyncar vs. Potter. To save time and space I am inserting links instead of writing in length about these issues. The Cyncar case involved paying workers injured on the job,

While reading the Postal Flame site, I notice my buddies at Ford and Harrison have a link on the home page concerning the Proposed 2008 Provisions.

If you have a lot of time on your hands, this is the actual 2007 FMLA Manual followed by the 2008 FMLA Proposal (pdf) 

The issues at hand are the Department of Labor's proposal to require even more documentation and increasing costs to the employee and at the same giving employers more power to gather personal medical information and deny employees coverage under the law. The DOL estimates the proposed changes will save employers at least $45 million a year and cost employees and health insurers $11.3 million yearly, with the sole purpose of obtaining medical information from health care providers.

One of  proposed changes harmful to workers involves substituting paid leave for unpaid FMLA leave. Currently, our union negotiated sick leave plan doesn't normally require medical documentation for sick leave absences of 3 days or less. Even though management tries to break that rule in our contract - the union can challenge their actions for an easily winnable grievance.

Under the 2008 proposal,the DOL states ""The current regulation explains that if less stringent medical certification standards apply to the sick leave plan, those standards must be followed when paid leave is substituted. The Department proposes to delete this section." This proposed regulation would allow management to require FMLA leave users to provide medical documentation for paid sick leave absences of 3 days or less while allowing non-FMLA users to take up to 3 days of sick leave without having to provide medical documentation for the absence.

The DOL is also proposing "employers be allowed to require more medical information if they deem a certification insuffcient, or any document that could be interpreted as vague, ambiguous or non-responsive." (emphasis mine) This is a powerful weapon to reject any plausible FMLA as "insufficient" forcing the employee to make repeated visits to the doctor to satisfy these postal bureaucrats.

While the proposal  acknowledges current medical privacy laws, if an employee refuses to give their  health care provider consent to speak with management for the purpose of obtaining medical certifications "the employee may jeopardize his or her FMLA rights."
Management would no longer have to get permission before contacting an employee's health care provider to obtain information of a medical certification.

In the new proposal, the "requirement that any contact between an employer and an employee's health care provider must be made through the employer's health care provider" will also be deleted. This allows management to contact health care providers for purposes of "authenticating and clarifying" medical documentations and certifications. Essentially, medical disputes will no longer be settled between two professionals - but by postal management who obviously have no medical education - plus they make lousy brain surgeons. Not only does management get to harass the employee - they can also harass the health care provider as well.


Postal unions and other people that are concerned still have a small window to halt the anti-FMLA proposals of the DOL if we the people rally to our Congressperson about the dangers of this proposal. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton won't help you - they are too busy campaigning for Obama-Care or Hillary-Care. (Like this issue doesn't involve health care?) The DOL is allowing the public until April 11, 2008 to comment on the changes before the final rules are published.

Electronically submitted comments can be made on www.regulations.gov with the R.I.N. number 1215-AB35. Or you can mail your comments to: Richard M. Brennan, Senior Regulatory Officer, Wage and Hour Division, Employment Standards Administration, U.S. Department of Labor, Room S-3502, 200 Constitution Avenue N.W., Washington, DC 20210.

When I first started this webpage I didn't have a solitary friend but amazingly in less than two hours - "Tom" became my best friend.

About 6 years ago, I had a webpage on MySpace (considered a "new website" in 2002) which I cancelled about 5 years ago. But when I first constructed that page, the same thing happened. "Tom" became my best friend. Coincidence?

Tom Wakefield operates PostalMag.com and this website and if I remember correctly is a letter carrier out of Dallas Texas. Tom Anderson founded MySpace.com but has since  sold his company to AOL/Time/Warner. But when you begin a webpage on either site - Tom will always be your friend. Go ahead! Cancel your accounts on either site - but when start all over again, Tom will still be your friend.

"Ok, Mark, what gives?? Since when did you stoop to brown-nosing? I think I'm going to throw up."

No, brown-nosing - but thanks for asking. I have just noticed over time that Tom's are some of the coolest people on Earth. Everybody loves Tom Hanks, the ladies used to throw their panties at Tom Jones (*yecch*) and a lot of them still love Tom Selleck. Of course there are geniuses like Tom Edison and Tom Jefferson as well. I wrote a song about Tom - let me sing it for you........

"Omigawd, no, Mark! Please! Your singing is so bad even Simon Cowell threatened to quit American Idol. Your singing stinks up the joint so bad that seagulls are flying overhead."

Agreed, I won't sing then. But I've heard all the accolades about Patriots QB Tom Brady and, of course, Tom Landry is a NFL legend. And did you hear the Super Bowl halftime concert of Tom Petty? Good stuff! Do you remember when Fonzie on Happy Days had a problem he would always go to Mr. C.(Tom Bosley.) There seems to be a connection.

"You are living a dream world, Mark. I know for a fact that all Tom's aren't angels!"

And I agree with you. Tom Green says insane things like, "My bum is on the parcel! My bum is on the parcel - teehee!" But Tom Green is from Canada so he doesn't count. And of course, there is the "Peeping Tom" - but the original woman who reported him knew he was peeping but how did she know his name was Tom. I suspected that she knew him all along and wanted to frame him.

"You are talking as non-sensical as Postal Management, what if I want to 'unfriend' Tom?"

Good question! My advice is to delete your account and never return to the internet ever again. That will work. But suppose 99% of the internet 'unfriends' Tom - that still leaves  many people with Tom as their friend and EVERYONE is still in your network.

"You're rotten! Sometime you be an absolute jerk, Mark!"

Don't shoot me, I am just the messenger. Do you still want to be friends? After all, I am still in your extended network.

That's the sad true story about what this blog is all about. A tiny canine jumps into a river, simple as that.

One of my regular postal customers, Jennifer, shared this story with me today. She knows that I own a chihuahua named Diablo. Her chi is named Yoda. When you live alone, dogs are comforting roommates that give you unconditional love. They are always happy to see you come home from work. And if there are really no dogs in heaven, then I want to go where they descend to when I die.

We all have our motivations for working with the "World's Largest Federally Mental Institute" on Earth. Some love the money, some want to compete with their co-workers :( , some want to please their PM as their best bud :(( , my true motivation is my regular customers - I really do love these people - they are real, they get no bonus for buying stamps, and I love their real life stories.

One of my regular customers, Jennifer (last name withheld) is in the same spot in life as I am. Mid 30s, single, formerly engaged and does not want her heart barbecued on high heat to be eaten by the maggots of humanity. Where we differ as that she met a guy named Ben and they had been dating off and on for two years. But Jennifer  has had a hard time committing to anyone - because when you have been hurt over and over - it is just hard to trust anyone no matter how much they smile or what good words they say to you. Salespeople and presidential candidates do the same thing.

Jennifer told me that last week she went with her boyfriend Ben and her little chihuahua Yoda on a stroll through Buffalo Creek. This creek is a typical Colorado creek outside of Denver with a thick mountain evergreen forest and flourescent columbines lining the trail even on cold February days. Jennifer and Ben were calmly holding hands and walking when she noticed that Yoda had disappeared. She said she wondering if he got lost or if he had fallen into the creek unnoticed.

Jennifer and Ben kept looking for Yoda when Ben put his arm around her in a reassuring manner telling Jennifer that they would find him. Around that time, they both saw a badger making a hissing sound. Then both of them heard a whining sound - it was Yoda, only his tiny head was poking out of the creek. Apparently, Yoda was scared of the badger and took a blinding leap into the creek. But, suddenly, Yoda's paws started paddling wildly towards the creekside with his pink tongue hanging out. Yoda made his way to shore and started jumping and licking Jennifer and Ben.

Jennifer told me that there was a lesson for her in this adventure. Even when this tiny dog was scared for his life - he made a fearless leap. Fearless because he trusted Jennifer. Trust cancels fear. Jennifer told me that she should give Ben a chance. It was her time in life to take her own fearless leap.

Her lesson is my own lesson. I learned something from a customer in my own line today - I need to take my own fearless leap and leave the past as history. A broken heart is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.