The midnight sky was dark and it so quiet that one could hear the quietness of the New Mexico desert and the wind playing with the cactuses. You could hear the sounds of nature playing in the darkness and the baby bats crying out to their mothers. Suddenly, there was a streak of light in the dark sky like a crashing comet followed by a loud explosion. It was then that these aliens descended upon Earth.
It makes one stop and think. If there really are aliens did God create them? If this is true, then what were these alien's original sin? One possibilty is that these aliens figured out which leaves to lift on the Forbidden Venus Vulva Plant in the Garden of Fred and these aliens had their way with it. God chose to smite these sinners by cursing them with the inability to figure out simple math, make true decisions and destroying their moral thinking.
Here's an interesting sci-fi movie plot: Humans find a planet inhabited by aliens that never ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Then we show up and corrupt them. (I must call my agent.)
Before this blog goes any further over the top, I was going to write about a message I received in my inbox. There is a new member of the Postal Profiles clan who wrote to me, "I have a knack of living in boring states. I grew up in New Mexico and now I live in Cheyenne Wyoming." First I would like to say that every state in the U.S. has its boring parts mixed with fun and exciting areas. I love Colorado but we have our boring areas as well. For me, it is the eastern plains of my state. Driving east from Denver along I-70 towards Kansas is a long and boring drive. We have these signs here that read "Welcome to Colorful Colorado." This is a very accurate road sign. It is just like being in the Wizard of Oz movie. You are driving through "Colorful Colorado" and once you cross the Kansas state line - everything turns to black and white. Toto, were not in Colorado anymore and it so boring that the scarecrows are talking and dancing. (Apologies to my online friend John.)
Secondly, because this person told me she was from Wyoming, I have an obligation to make Wyoming jokes. There is an unwritten rule in Colorado that I must tell Wyoming jokes. I am working on some material as I am typing this :) This practice goes on all over the U.S. Buckeyes can't resist telling Michigan Wolverine jokes. People from North Carolina throw riffs at South Carolinans. (A person staying at a South Carolina motel calls the front desk and says "I've gotta leak in my sink." The front desk guy tells him "Go right ahead.") Cajuns from my home state of Louisiana seem to tell Alabama jokes instead of on our neighbors in Mississippi. Perhaps it is because of the LSU vs. Alabama rivalry.
I believe that every state has its interesting places and amazing people to visit and to write about. Sometimes it just takes a little more exploring outside of where you live.
Fun Fact: Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Wyoming? This is a proven fact because if it were invented elsewhere it would have been called the teethbrush. :)
This is a new project I am working on. I am starting the new WWFF Wrestling Federation. The WWFF stands for Wild Wacky Furry Friends. I didn't even ask for Carrie's permission before coming up with this idea.
This forum will be designed for entertainment purposes only to settle the age-old debate about Cats versus Dogs. To properly start this project I would need a referee/promoter to sell the idea to the general public. Originally, I went to Vince McMahon about this idea. But the thought of Vince strutting around the ring in his "Mr. McMahon" character as the pompous boss acting macho around a bunch of kittens and puppies just wouldn't work. There would be chew toys and pet treats flying everywhere and it would be impossible to correograph a fight with Vince and pets involved.
I am choosing AnnaMarie Lucas, the pretty ASPCA officer from the Animal Cops show. Not only is she good with animals but she can handle humans as well. I remember watching an episode where AnnaMarie and her team approached a house in the Bronx that was suspected of raising Pit Bulls for fighting purposes. Anna knocked on the door and this big muscular guy answered the door. "My name is AnnaMarie with ASPCA, we have reason to suspect you are abusing your Pit Bulls, may we come in?"
"I've done nothing wrong!" the guy said, "You always go after dog owners! I'll bet you are a skanky cat-owning b----! I'm not letting you in my crib!"
About 90 seconds into the episode, AnnaMarie had this mountain of a man on the living room floor with handcuffs on while he was crying like a church on Monday. AnnaMarie looks into the camera and says, "People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." Okay, AnnaMarie, I won't argue with you. I will take your word for it !
Because I am a dog owner I have my own bias. It isn't that I am a cat-hater. I like cats -- I like OTHER people's cats. But I see more reasons to own a dog than I do a cat.
I always look forward to come home from work and get greeted at the door with Joanie and Diablo's tails and bodies wagging at me. My dogs are happy to see me come home from work. Cats seem to be annoyed that you went to work without them.
Dogs can be trained to be rescue and service dogs. I have never heard of a drug-sniffing cat or a seeing-eye cat. Also, cats can't spell but dogs can do math. Simply put 3 Snausages in your pocket and feed them only 2 -- then watch then fun. Dogs love us!! When we dog-owners feed and take care of our them - our dogs think, "My owners must be god!" When you feed and take care of your cat they think - "I must be god!"
In ancient Egypt, Bast was the daughter of the sun god Ra. The remaining statues of Bast show her with the body of a woman and the head of a cat. Cats were very sacred animals to the ancient Egyptians. Anyone caught harming or killing a cat, even by accident, was stoned to death, because cats guarded the royal food supply and chased away the vermin. Most humans don't know about this, but every cat on planet Earth is armed with this information.
"Allright, Mark, because you a dog-owner your opinion is much too biased. What about the kittens?"
There is a plus side to owning a cat. For instance, cats are notorious self-groomers. I would wager to say that cats are probably cleaner than most of my co-workers. It isn't that dogs aren't groomers too, but they seem to go a certain place-that-I-can't-write-in-a-blog. In the animal kingdom, I believe that dogs have the cleanest place-that-I-can't-write-in-a-blog ever!!!
You don't have to take your cat for walks outside on a leash, but a few people choose to. Cats don't need as much exercise. Dogs love to run around outside and follow us - they love the exercise. Cats get their exercise by clawwing up the furniture and scratching at your pant legs. (OK, I apologize for that one - a cheap shot on my part.)
Amazingly, if you go on YouTube. Cats can be trained to use the toilet.......and flush it!! I've seen the videos. My dogs would never go for that.
But enough about dogs and cats. To make this WWFF Wrestling Federation legitimate, I decided to scope out the competition. From what I can tell, there are far too many dog owners on here than cat owners.
In the puppy corner, we have Kathleen's dogs, Dino and Sammy. The Rat Pack would be an excellent marketing tool!! If you saw the old Ocean's Eleven, you don't mess around with the Rat Pack. We have a perfect Jack Russell tag team pair with Cisco's dog Cotton and Spauldo's dog Woody. I loved the video on Cisco's page with Cotton drying himself off after his bath. I am leaving Spauldo's other dog Biscuit out the picture. He is too adorable for wrestling in his suit and tie. I think Beth's dogs Phoebe Boofay and Tater would be another excellent team in this WWFF. I have other designs for her chihuahua Beanie Baby. My cajun friend on here, Peter from Metarie, whom I have never given a shout-out too has a chi named Gigi. The chihuahua team is up for grabs between Gigi, Beanie Baby and Diablo. PostalTexan has a natural with Turbo the Terror, but Cisco and Arlo show a lot of promise. And ME has a dog named Bo with a lot of potential. I think he could team up with Keisha's dog, Usher.
In the kitten corner, we all know about Carrie's kittens, Milo and Otis - but there is a double threat with Levi and Lilo too. I saw a picture of Levi wearing a crown on his head like he was wearing the WWFF Championship belt. Shannon has a gorgeous gray cat whose name I forgot.........sorry, Shannon.
I must confess, I should have written the pets names down somewhere before I started this blog - I am only relying on my memory. If I mispelled your pets name or left them out, I apologize. Perhaps, I am management material.
Whether we love dogs or cats, they all give us love and affection. The only downside that I can see whether you own a dog or a cat is that their life is just too short. Really!!
I realize that it is only July but I received an e-mail that July 22nd (today) was supposed to be the first day of training camp for the Denver Broncos. Yes, it is still baseball season but the weather in Denver has been so hot to go to Coors Field that the Colorado Rockies fans are taking the paper bags off of their heads. My postal friend Barry and I had the day off, so we went to Dove Valley southeast of Denver to get a sneak peak of our team. Anyone in town can visit the training camp but it is a good idea to arrive their before 6 AM because the camp operates on a first-come, first-serve basis.
Shortly after we got inside the Broncos camp we were told that the training camp begins NEXT Tuesday on the 29th so we decided to stay to watch the mini camp. Most of the big name players weren't at the mini camp - so on that level it was disappointing.
My disappointment was on the same level as when I kid and first ate Grape Nuts - you know, the "simple cereal." Apparently cereals like Froot Loops and Cocoa Pebbles are too complicated. Now that I am an adult, I know that Grape Nuts was the first cereal to add dextrose as an ingredient. One hundred years ago, dextrose was called "grape sugar" and the name Grape Nuts was born. But when I was a kid, I was expecting a grape-tasting cereal only to wind up with something that tasted like rabbit turds and gravel. Plus, when you're a kid, reading the cereal box is an important part of childhood. Grape Nuts boxes have nothing good to read on them. When it is football season you should eat the Wheaties - the breakfast of champions. Usually, I have the breakfast of postal clerks - four cups of coffee and a microwave bagel.
But enough about breakfast food, I am more excited about the Broncos season this year but, in reality; I don't see them making the playoffs again. My friend Barry and I already have our pre-pre-season Super Bowl picks. I am going with the San Diego Chargers for the AFC and the New Orleans Saints for the NFC. The Saints are my hometown team and QB Drew Brees is awesome. Between Deuce McAllister and Reggie Bush, they have a lot of talent. And with QB Philip Rivers and LaDamian Tomlinson on the Chargers offense, I see them winning the AFC championship.
My friend Barry has picked the Dallas Cowboys for the NFC and the New England Patriots for the AFC. I just don't see the Patriots going for another perfect season.
Watching the mini camp today, we saw a lot of talented rookies. Unfortuntately, this year, the Broncos have a LOT of rookies backing up Jay Cutler. But, Chad Johnson looked awesome today and I can see Tatum Bell having a 1,000 yard season this year. Losing Javon Walker for Darrell Jackson doesn't help and talented veteran Rod Smith is still on the injured reserve list and rehabiliating at The Mayo Clinic. I am sure most of you know that the Mayo Clinic was named after its founder - Dr. Fred Clinic.
Most of my fellow clerks are female as are most of people that I talk to on this site - so I am asked, "What is it about men and football?" We men are totally focused into whatever we watching on TV or whatever we are doing. The next time you are riding in the car with your husband or boyfriend and the radio is blasting away - your male friend will turn the radio down while looking for a parking space. We are focused creatures. So, when we are watching a football game and perhaps after our second beer, we are watching the running back on our team and we BECOME the runningback on the team. We become number 32 making that sprint to the end zone.
It has been 20 years since I was a running back on my high school football team so I know I am not in the same physical shape. If I were to attempt an off-tackle play I would be pummelled instantly on the field coughing up last night's dinner and my spleen as the crowd would show their appreciation by doing "The Wave" over my writhing body.
I am picking the Broncos to go 10-6 in '08. I also noticed that there is an NFL room on this site that I have never checked out. I will have to stop by there when football season begins.
I am just a typical guy and I love to watch football. I read somewhere that women don't play football because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
I don't know what cereal box I read that on, but I'm sure it tasted better than Grape Nuts.
The picture above features my mom and dad - Marvin and Rona Bivens. If you are ever in New Orleans, you have to take your parents or your sweetheart to Clancy's Restaurant. They serve generous portions of sauteed lump crabmeat and beef tenderloin along with various creole dishes. Even at 65 years old, my dad still has to tease the waitress even at a five-star restaurant. "Excuse me, miss, how much is your chickory coffee?" The waitress told my dad that it was $1.50. "Um, and how much are your refills?" The waitress said, "Those are free, sir." - "Sounds good, miss, I'll just order some refills."
It is always like this when I take my parents somewhere and it goes on and on. When it was time to place our order my dad asks the waitress when they took the cod lips and squid burger off of the menu. My mom says, "Oy, Marv, stop that! I can't take you anywhere!" Then my dad plays it straight again - for awhile........ Ladies, if you want to know what I will look like 27 years from now - take a look at my dad. Life happens..........
My mom turned 65 last Friday, July 18th, so I made her a birthday cake and some of my relatives from Gulfport, Mississippi stopped by with their homemade dinner items and side dishes. The "potluck" birthday meal became a tradition after Hurricane Katrina. My parents were both 62 when that happened and they had to start all over again at their age with a home insurance settlement and a FEMA trailer.
My dad and I had our annual "fishing day" down in Grand Isle, LA - something we have done together for 20 years. We sat on his boat and fished for flounders and speckled trout, swapped stories and lies and tried as we could to make up for lost time. Although my dad and I totally disagree about religion and politics, we do share one common bond. During most of the 1970s and early 1980s, my dad was a union steward for the Teamsters Local #270 when he used to be a truck driver. I was surprised to learn about how much my dad knew about the downsizing of the Postal Circus considering that he has never worked for them. He advised me to find a partner or an investor to open up my own bakery and quit the Postal Service when I could. My dad told me that I was getting cemented in the wrong place for a career. Afterwards he said, "Your mom wants to know when you are ever getting married?"
Stop it dad! You sound like a Jewish mother!
I am reflecting on all of these childhood memories I suppose because I am writing about my parents. I remember one time when I went fishing with my dad when we netted seven flounders that day. My dad picked two of them out so that I could clean and cook the fish before we went back home. My dad grabbed the larger flounder for himself. I said, "Dad! I cooked the fish and I am hungry!" My dad said, "What would you have done son?" I told him, being a thoughtful person - I would have taken the smaller one. - "Well then this fish is for you Mark" and my dad put the smaller fish on my plate.
Sometimes dads CAN be Jewish mothers. But I am back home now and the reality of going back to work tomorrow has finally settled in and it sucks. No more free time for relaxing and going back to do steward work for the APWU is like two wolves and a sheep deciding what's for dinner. Sometimes we can be outnumbered.
I'll be ready to go back to work and put in an honest days work while wearing my shop steward hat. Like my dad once told me, "The basic law for management is you or I, not both you and I."
I am just writing a quick blog on here before I leave for New Orleans tomorrow. I finished work at 3:00 this afternoon but there is a big dinner/concert event at a charity I volunteer for in Denver called "The Gathering Place." I am using their internet right now as I am typing this. The Gathering Place is a place for homeless women and children to get help. This not a typical homeless shelter filled with male alcoholics and the mentally ill. This home was originally started by the late Denver Catholic priest named C.B. Woodrich - locally known as "Father Woody", although the non-catholic volunteers, like myself ,called him Burt.
When "Burt" was alive, we shared life stories, had debates about religion (if you read my profile - it says Jewish) and swapped cigarettes in the alley behind the shelter, back in the day, when I was a heavy Marlboro smoker. I quit smoking 12 years ago. Yes, it is true, a few Catholic priest DO smoke and many more rabbis are smokers because in the Torah - it is not a sin to smoke. But through people like Father Woody, a lady I nicknamed "Miss Ethel" in one of my first blogs and actually meeting, in person, a Christian singer, named Steven Curtis Chapman ( a Jewish convert) at the very same place that I am writing this blog - I have switched my position on religion - somewhat. I am a Messianic Jew, and I feel that I have to put this in writing because I feel that my profile doesn't reflect who I honestly am. There is story behind this WAY too long to write on this blog.
But getting back to Gathering Place, there are so many inspiring stories and wonderful events that take place here. From my e-mail this week, I received a true story about a six year old who is VERY talented at making crafts. Her mom took the pictures and wrote the articles on this blog from the very same computer I am typing on. Here is the link: http://imacraftartist.blogspot.com/ When they started this website, they were not homeless, but after a divorce and after her mom was laid-off - it became the perfect storm for homelessness.
There are so many more stories like this and I don't want to go into length and bore everyone on here. Volunteering here brings me back to reality away from the postal world who have created a selfish society unto their own. There are much more sadder tales in our world than the guy who is being picked on because the boss told him that he had to actually WORK for his paycheck. Sometimes there are people that need someone to walk into their life while the rest of the world walks out.
I cannot explain why I volunteer here in mere words on a blog. I suppose some things are easier to see through the heart than through our eyes. And just like what we do on our jobs or for our family and friends......
