The title of my blog is "I Love You Miss Ethel" in Cajun. No, she is not my girlfriend or lover in anyway. Ethel is a sweet woman who offered me my first full-time job when I moved to Colorado in 1988. Ethel was born in New Orleans, lived in Picayune, Mississippi when she was 5 until she was 8 yrs. old  and moved to New Orleans when she 9. It felt so good at the time when I was new to Colorado that a New Orleans "native"was nearby.

When I moved out here at 17 on a scholarship, I was new to Colorado and snowy weather and just about everything in this environment. I applied for a cook's job from an ad in the Rocky Mountain News. That was when I first met Miss Ethel. My first impression was I saw always smiling. 20 years later, she would be a regular customer in the line at P.O. where I work. Always with that big smile.

Why that love-filled smile all the time? Ethel knows something! Stories like this have been told before, but Ethel knows something.

Miss Ethel ran one of Denver's few soul food restaurants here. There is article/video in today's Denver newspaper about her - click here - http://denver.rockymountainnews.com/multimedia/20080127_ETHELS_51222/ - Ethel operates a small business here with a lot of love.

The woman in the video, Beth Moore, did what I used to do. My problem, at first, was hearing comments like, "what's the Cracker doing up in here?" Eventually, the regulars became used to me thanks to Miss Ethel's insistance. I had to work twice as hard being her first "honky hire" but she trusted me.

I was working for poor wages but it paid my rent and I met so many wonderful people that I would have never met if it weren't for Ethel. Many of Denver Broncos were turned on to her neckbones and chitterlings. No matter how much melanin you are both with, if you are from K-Town (New Orleans) - soul food is like comfort food. The food reminds of of what your mother or grandmother used to make. Red beans and rice, fried chicken and chess pie, chit'lins with hot sauce and okra with cornbread. This kind of food, although not dished out on fancy china is still made with love. There's definitely a difference to the taste of food made with love. It beats any fancy steak and lobster you can buy where the money-grubbing yuppies dine. This is how all those guys back in the days of housewives knew they were loved - they opened their lunchboxes, and could taste it!

Miss Ethel had a unique gift of seeing the song in her customer's heart and could sing it back to them - even if they didn't know the words. And she always had the wide smile on her face no matter what was going on in life.

This is what Ethel knows - "you give one thing to the people ( her free Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners) and you get get five things back.

This is what Miss Ethel knows. You get back more love than you give.

That is why she is always smiling.

 

Today is Monday and I am amazed how slow it is at the window today. My brothers and sisters whipped the mail out to the carriers in record time but when it was time to go to the window my day started dragging and it was soooo boring today - even the supervisor's crack cocaine fell asleep. Yes, I am kidding, my boss doesn't do crack - it would mix poorly with his Ritalin.

I suppose I have done something more productive like sort through the NOVM or work the backlog of "paper dolls." Nope, not me! Instead I was thinking of my top ten ways to pass the time.

- I could superglue a quarter in front of the pop machine and watch the fun.

- Or park my car next to the post office, put on a pair of sunglasses and hold a blow dryer out the window to see how many LLVs screech to a halt.

- Or maybe I could put a "Gay Pride" sticker on the back of the Postmaster's car.

- Or slap random co-workers and tell them to stop grabbing my ass. 

- Tape segments of Sweating to the Oldies over those boring standup videos."

- Tell your customers, "I have every CD that Britney Spears ever recorded!"

- Pretend the scanner is a cellphone and talk into it.

- Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" at random spots on the carrier's route maps.

- While walking an aisle, push an invisible "U-Cart" and make loud squeaky noises.

- Or follow the postmaster closely and spray everything he touches with Lysol.

Well, as you can tell I had an uneventful day - and how your Monday?

I usually post silly blogs, but this blog is a true story unfolding at my post office. I use the term "Stalag 80123" because it rolls off my tongue easier than "Hell with Flourescent Lighting."

There are those who strongly like or dislike workplace romances - your opinion is your own. This one involves a rural carrier and a city carrier where I work. The rural carrier is my drinking bud, Barry. Both of us are the only token Jewish postal workers in Littleton and we both have the same warped view on life. When Brittany started working here a little over two years ago - my friend Barry saw her. He said he knew the first moment he laid eyes on her that she was the one and he tried to do anything to meet her.

Barry had a plan which only a creatively-bent person would think of. We don't think like normal people do. He bought a bud vase at the local Goodwill and glued a magnet on the back of it and stuck it on her letter case. Brittany was probably thinking, "what the f*** is he doing?" but she left it there. Every morning, Barry would buy a single red rose and put it in the bud vase. Eventually, Brittany caved in and started dating my friend Barry. At work, he would borrow those "interoffice envelopes" write her name on them and stuck little love notes in them and place them on her workstation. Brittany had a mirror near her letter case so he would write an "I Love You" note backwards so she had to look in the mirror to read it. And, of course, because I am his good friend and an ex-chef - I would cook dinner at his house and bust a hasty retreat before Brittany showed up so they could have dinner together.

But that was when the problems started. At first Barry was nervous because he is Jewish and Brittany is a Christian and he thought she wouldn't accept him. Then the tongue-wagging of our co-workers began. Brittany was seperated from her ex, but still legally married. Her ex walked out her one day after she gave birth to their only child. Every P.O. has its gossip mill. When Barry and Brittany hugged each other in the parking lot more gossip started. Hugs are the universal medicine - no crime in that! Brittany's-ex finally granted an official divorce and Barry and Brittany are planning to wed on February 14th. Because Brittany is diabetic, I will be making their wedding cake - a strawberry/blueberry sweetened piece of art with no sugar (their request.)

This blog probably sounds sappy and corny to some but I do wish them the best. I know that most people in the P.O. are married and have children - but for those of us who don't - I suppose we still look at life through rose-colored glasses and I wish Barry and Brittany the best in life.

Mazel Tov, Barry & Brittany!

Mark

 

 

To All Postal Employees:

The purpose of this memo is to announce the development of the new postal software system. We are currently building a data warehouse that will contain all mail processing/ postal admin data. The program is referred to as the "Manufacturing Information Access Software System" (MIASS).

Next Monday at 0900 there will be a standup in which I will display MIASS. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MIASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects yet, so currently only one person can be in MIASS at a time. This should change as MIASS expands.

Several of the light-duty craft employees and booty-smoochers are using the program already and have come to depend on it. Just this morning, they were proud to say that they had their nose buried in MIASS. I've noticed, though, that craft employees who are picking up the slack and doing two jobs at once have steered far away from my MIASS.

Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program, I had a secretary say to me, "I'm nervous; I've never put anything in MIASS before." I volunteered to help her through her first time, and when we were done she admitted that it was relatively painless and that she was actually looking forward to doing it again. She went so far as to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she was ready to kiss MIASS.

I know that there are some concerns over the virus that was found in MIASS upon initial installation, but I am pleased to say that the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MIASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MIASS.

We planned this database to encompass all information associated with the Postal Service, so as you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want into MIASS. As MIASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an employee and say, "Here, stick this in MIASS."

The program has already demonstrated great benefit to the company during recent POOM, Function 4, and OIG audits. After requesting certain historical data, the agency representatives were amazed at how quickly we provided the information. When asked how the numbers could be retrieved so rapidly, our Postmaster proudly stated, "Simple -- I just pulled them out of MIASS."

I hope all postal employees enjoy MIASS!

Bud Ugly, District Manager 

 

 

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your supervisor takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you can't finish your job in 8 hours, you're lazy.
When your supervisor can't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your supervisor makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your supervisor does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your supervisor does it, he's being firm.

When you skip a few rules, you get a letter of warning.
When your supervisor skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your supervisor, you're a brown-noser.
When your supervisor pleases the postmaster, he's being co-operative.

When you call in sick, you must be hungover.
When your supervisor calls in sick, it's because he's overworked.

My next blog will be a little more positive. I'm still new to this site.