I have noticed than when I keep my thoughts off of work and think about all of the things that life has to offer - I feel so much more relaxed. I will adhere to your advice, Spauldo - stay Postal Free. Football season has started and the Olympics are on TV. OK, sure, there is no Official Tin Foil Hat for the 2008 Olympics, but I am not alone in making phony presentations in the name of the Olympics. If you had the chance to see the opening presentation for the Olympics - it was a wonderful sight. Very colorful and correographed dance numbers. It was unique and amazing. Typically Chinese, the precision of so many people performing together was awesome. Later, this fireworks show was displayed, supposedly at Bird's Nest Stadium. Admitted on ESPN, the fireworks show did not exist at Bird's Nest Stadium. It was all computer animated from Gao Xiaolong's company in Beijing called Crystal Stone. So, I say, what is the harm of a fake endorsement to lead off my blog? :)

There are also some good movies to watch at your local theater. The new X-File movie is out, although I have to admit I like the old TV series better. And, of course, there is The Dark Knight. It is a real tragedy that Heath Ledger isn't with us anymore because I thought he really made this movie work. Unlike the X File movie, this one has a good script and it is worth watching.

If my friends are busy I like to go hiking to hidden lakes in the mountains with my dogs and go fishing. I usually enjoy a fresh rainbow trout for dinner over an open fire while Joanie and Diablo are Hot Dog addicts and they don't like fish. (That sounded cannibalistic in some sort of strange way.) I will cook my trout and some Hebrew National wieners for the dogs when we go out on these outings.

By the way, if you were lucky enough to go to the Beijing Olympics, I have some sad news for you. No dog meat is available!!

True story, I truly am not making this one up! As part of being picked as the host city, the Olympic Commitee forbade China to sell dog meat at the stadium. Sorry, no Fidohouse Steak for you!! This got me to think about how clever the Chinese government is.......

They want to portray China in the best possible light to the world. Sure, they are the biggest polluters in the world like the United States was in the 1950s. China is amongst the most repressive nations in the world. I could never write a blog like this in China - but they have provided internet access to those who are stay in their hotels and paid dearly for their Olympic tickets. When these visitors leave their hotels - they ride in taxi cabs with hidden microphones.

The government of China are giving it their best shot in hiding the ugliness of communism. The torture, the jailing of dissidents, the execution of outside Christian ministers. No doubt, their government will be able to pull off this charade. If you listen to certain presidential candidates - Americans are the evildoers in the world that can only say 'Merci, beaucoup.' Those same people are afraid to criticize the poor management of their homeland. While the world waits for China to become a free society openly engaging with its workers that feed the coffers of their government - their own government already has its own agenda. Just like the Postal.......

(OK, Mark, listen to Spauldo, be Postal Free......relax your fingers, relax your toes.....breathe deep.)

I feel better now!! We are free in America to enjoy the freedom of expression and the freedom of this wonderful summer. There is so much of life to embrace.

I hope that, one day, that waiter in China will have the freedom to ask, "Do you want fries with that Chihuahua burger?"

Workplace games are nothing new. About ten years ago, there was a game called "Buzzword Bingo." You just select different words and slang phrase used at your workplace and write them in a bingo card grid. During company meetings, when that overused word was said you fill in the bingo space. One of my co-workers got a hold of that idea. Using an Excel spreadsheet, he wrote down 30 commonly overused postal words, like mail count, down time, -etc- and put them in the Excel database. His computer would randomly place the words on the 24 available bingo squares. Each card was different at those stand-up meetings. The cards were sold at 50 cents a piece and whomever got their bingo first won the pot.

 There have been several changes added to Postal Monopoly compared to classic Monopoly. The game tokens have been replaced or, as in the case of the dog token, totally removed. All dogs are dangerous says the P.O. - especially if you are a carrier. No dog spray is necessary to play Postal Momopoly. The race car token is now an LLV, the wheelbarrow is now a U-Cart . Other token changes include an Ipod, the coffee cup, New Balance sneakers and the snail token (symbolizing the station slug.)

 Because we are postal workers, the properties have been changed. Most of us have trouble owning ONE property and hope we live long enough to pay it off. If you do happen to own more than property - than God bless you. You are smarter or luckier than the rest of us. Instead of slumming on Meditteranean or Baltic Avenue or living like Donald Trump on Park Place and Boardwalk - the spaces begin with small household merchandise graduating up to major home improvements to extravagant vacations. When someone lands on your space they must buy that item from you. The railroads have been removed because I think purchasing new cars, trucks and jeeps would work better in this game than smelly diesel trains.

Everytime time you pass "Go" you must stop by the scan point and collect your fake $200 Monopoly money. Just like in the real game, you will notice that most people never land on Boardwalk or Park Place when you finally own them. Most people land on the Red or Orange properties. Quite frankly, it makes one wonder if Postal Monopoly is rigged. Perhaps that depends upon who is playing the banker in the game. Just like being in management, Monopoly requires no luck, strategy or people skills.

In classic Monopoly, the best "strategy" if there really is one is to buy all the railroads. Another strategy is to stay in jail as long as possible if you opponent has more "monopolies" than you do. That is why, on Postal Monopoly, we have removed the free parking space and have three jails in the corner spaces. Plenty of prison room just like the P.O. - but don't drop your dice! This game is not as bad as it sounds - it is all in good clean fun.

The way the game should be completed is that the winner is the one who worked the hardest and accrued the most money and assets. In test results, Postal Monopoly usually ends when a person who can't complete the route or can't complete the job will not be able to complete this game either. They will just kick the table and the board and game pieces will fly everywhere while they stomp off and pout.

Game over.

I should spend my time more productively than messing around with the Photoshop. I had fortune cookies on the brain because my good online friend Carrie wrote me about the possibilty of getting the winning lottery numbers through a fortune cookie. What would you do if you won the Powerball or your state lottery? Would you quit your job with the Postal Service.? Personally, I know I would in 5 seconds!! But, I don't think I would quit working altogether. I would work in a field where I truly LOVED my job even at lower pay or I would spend more time volunteering for the less fortunate. 

I haven't been online as much because it is summer and, well, because I am a postal clerk. I spend way too much time indoors. When the weather is nice, I would rather be outside and enjoying life. (There really is a life outside of the P.O.) Occasionally, I have been guilty of rarely visiting the postal-related websites because when I was reading the material I would think to myself "I've heard this stuff before - this is boring." Even after reading some of my own recent blogs on here, I have thought the same thing. But in the strangest places, you meet some interesting people.

Last night, I went on this site to check my inbox and then I was going to quietly slither away. But I received a message from a new member of our Postal Profile group who actually served in Iraq. We eventually sent several messages back and forth to each other. I cannot imagine what our veterans are going through in Iraq. From her point of view, most of her squadron was actually proud and happy to serve in Iraq even with danger of roadside bombs. Also, from her point of view, they want to FINISH the job that they began in Operation Iraqi Freedom. If you have recently visited this site, I am sure you have seen her pics on here. I believe that under those huge biceps lies a sweetheart.

I hope she is a blogger because she has some interesting stories to tell. I do not see her working as a Rural Carrier Associate for long as she seems to possess an intelligent mind and can speak four languages - Spanish, Arabic, Korean and Chinese. The Marine Corp trained her in that knowledge. She is looking for a job elsewhere while she is an RCA in Iowa. John Wayne grew up in Winterset, Iowa. Who knows? I hope you find that job you're looking for Jamie.

Before I go, I must show you the working script of that famous Chinese comedian, Yu Stin Ki Pu, who has four side-splitting jokes.

I know Joke number 2 referred to us as "stupid Americans", but joke number 4 had me rolling on the floor in laughter.

The midnight sky was dark and it so quiet that one could hear the quietness of the New Mexico desert and the wind playing with the cactuses. You could hear the sounds of nature playing in the darkness and the baby bats crying out to their mothers. Suddenly, there was a streak of light in the dark sky like a crashing comet followed by a loud explosion. It was then that these aliens descended upon Earth.

It makes one stop and think. If there really are aliens did God create them? If this is true, then what were these alien's original sin? One possibilty is that these aliens figured out which leaves to lift on the Forbidden Venus Vulva Plant in the Garden of Fred and these aliens had their way with it. God chose to smite these sinners by cursing them with the inability to figure out simple math, make true decisions and destroying their moral thinking.

Here's an interesting sci-fi movie plot: Humans find a planet inhabited by aliens that never ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Then we show up and corrupt them. (I must call my agent.)

Before this blog goes any further over the top, I was going to write about a message I received in my inbox. There is a new member of the Postal Profiles clan who wrote to me, "I have a knack of living in boring states. I grew up in New Mexico and now I live in Cheyenne Wyoming." First I would like to say that every state in the U.S. has its boring parts mixed with fun and exciting areas. I love Colorado but we have our boring areas as well. For me, it is the eastern plains of my state. Driving east from Denver along I-70 towards Kansas is a long and boring drive. We have these signs here that read "Welcome to Colorful Colorado." This is a very accurate road sign. It is just like being in the Wizard of Oz movie. You are driving through "Colorful Colorado" and once you cross the Kansas state line - everything turns to black and white. Toto, were not in Colorado anymore and it so boring that the scarecrows are talking and dancing. (Apologies to my online friend John.)

Secondly, because this person told me she was from Wyoming, I have an obligation to make Wyoming jokes. There is an unwritten rule in Colorado that I must tell Wyoming jokes. I am working on some material as I am typing this :)  This practice goes on all over the U.S. Buckeyes can't resist telling Michigan Wolverine jokes. People from North Carolina throw riffs at South Carolinans. (A person staying at a South Carolina motel calls the front desk and says "I've gotta leak in my sink." The front desk guy tells him "Go right ahead.") Cajuns from my home state of Louisiana seem to tell Alabama jokes instead of on our neighbors in Mississippi. Perhaps it is because of the LSU vs. Alabama rivalry.

I believe that every state has its interesting places and amazing people to visit and to write about. Sometimes it just takes a little more exploring outside of where you live.

Fun Fact: Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Wyoming? This is a proven fact because if it were invented elsewhere it would have been called the teethbrush. :)

This is a new project I am working on. I am starting the new WWFF Wrestling Federation. The WWFF stands for Wild Wacky Furry Friends. I didn't even ask for Carrie's permission before coming up with this idea.

This forum will be designed for entertainment purposes only to settle the age-old debate about Cats versus Dogs. To properly start this project I would need a referee/promoter to sell the idea to the general public. Originally, I went to Vince McMahon about this idea. But the thought of Vince strutting around the ring in his "Mr. McMahon" character as the pompous boss acting macho around a bunch of kittens and puppies just wouldn't work. There would be chew toys and pet treats flying everywhere and it would be impossible to correograph a fight with Vince and pets involved.

I am choosing AnnaMarie Lucas, the pretty ASPCA officer from the Animal Cops show. Not only is she good with animals but she can handle humans as well. I remember watching an episode where AnnaMarie and her team approached a house in the Bronx that was suspected of raising Pit Bulls for fighting purposes. Anna knocked on the door and this big muscular guy answered the door. "My name is AnnaMarie with ASPCA, we have reason to suspect you are abusing your Pit Bulls, may we come in?"

"I've done nothing wrong!" the guy said, "You always go after dog owners! I'll bet you are a skanky cat-owning b----! I'm not letting you in my crib!"

About 90 seconds into the episode, AnnaMarie had this mountain of a man on the living room floor with handcuffs on while he was crying like a church on Monday. AnnaMarie looks into the camera and says, "People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." Okay, AnnaMarie, I won't argue with you. I will take your word for it !

Because I am a dog owner I have my own bias. It isn't that I am a cat-hater. I like cats -- I like OTHER people's cats. But I see more reasons to own a dog than I do a cat.

I always look forward to come home from work and get greeted at the door with Joanie and Diablo's tails and bodies wagging at me. My dogs are happy to see me come home from work. Cats seem to be annoyed that you went to work without them.

Dogs can be trained to be rescue and service dogs. I have never heard of a drug-sniffing cat or a seeing-eye cat.  Also, cats can't spell but dogs can do math. Simply put 3 Snausages in your pocket and feed them only 2 -- then watch then fun. Dogs love us!! When we dog-owners feed and take care of our them - our dogs think, "My owners must be god!" When you feed and take care of your cat they think - "I must be god!" 

In ancient Egypt, Bast was the daughter of the sun god Ra. The remaining statues of Bast show her with the body of a woman and the head of a cat. Cats were very sacred animals to the ancient Egyptians. Anyone caught harming or killing a cat, even by accident, was stoned to death, because cats guarded the royal food supply and chased away the vermin. Most humans don't know about this, but every cat on planet Earth is armed with this information.

"Allright, Mark, because you a dog-owner your opinion is much too biased. What about the kittens?"

There is a plus side to owning a cat. For instance, cats are notorious self-groomers. I would wager to say that cats are probably cleaner than most of my co-workers. It isn't that dogs aren't groomers too, but they seem to go a certain place-that-I-can't-write-in-a-blog.  In the animal kingdom, I believe that dogs have the cleanest place-that-I-can't-write-in-a-blog ever!!!

You don't have to take your cat for walks outside on a leash, but a few people choose to. Cats don't need as much exercise. Dogs love to run around outside and follow us - they love the exercise. Cats get their exercise by clawwing up the furniture and scratching at your pant legs. (OK, I apologize for that one - a cheap shot on my part.)

Amazingly, if you go on YouTube. Cats can be trained to use the toilet.......and flush it!! I've seen the videos. My dogs would never go for that.

But enough about dogs and cats. To make this WWFF Wrestling Federation legitimate, I decided to scope out the competition. From what I can tell, there are far too many dog owners on here than cat owners.

In the puppy corner, we have Kathleen's dogs, Dino and Sammy. The Rat Pack would be an excellent marketing tool!! If you saw the old Ocean's Eleven, you don't mess around with the Rat Pack. We have a perfect Jack Russell tag team pair with Cisco's dog Cotton and Spauldo's dog Woody. I loved the video on Cisco's page with Cotton drying himself off after his bath. I am leaving Spauldo's other dog Biscuit out the picture. He is too adorable for wrestling in his suit and tie. I think Beth's dogs Phoebe Boofay and Tater would be another excellent team in this WWFF.  I have other designs for her chihuahua Beanie Baby. My cajun friend on here, Peter from Metarie, whom I have never given a shout-out too has a chi named Gigi. The chihuahua team is up for grabs between Gigi, Beanie Baby and Diablo. PostalTexan has a natural with Turbo the Terror, but Cisco and Arlo show a lot of promise. And ME has a dog named Bo with a lot of potential. I think he could team up with Keisha's dog, Usher.

In the kitten corner, we all know about Carrie's kittens, Milo and Otis - but there is a double threat with Levi and Lilo too. I saw a picture of Levi wearing a crown on his head like he was wearing the WWFF Championship belt. Shannon has a gorgeous gray cat whose name I forgot.........sorry, Shannon.

I must confess, I should have written the pets names down somewhere before I started this blog - I am only relying on my memory. If I mispelled your pets name or left them out, I apologize. Perhaps, I am management material.

Whether we love dogs or cats, they all give us love and affection. The only downside that I can see whether you own a dog or a cat is that their life is just too short. Really!!