I don't quite know how to begin this blog.  I'm currently in a state of utter and absolute shock and disbelief.  I can't even believe I'm blogging about this, but I have no idea what else to do at the moment.  Watching Ellen or Maury right now just doesn't seem to cut it.

About 30 minutes ago, I took a pregnancy test and I'm pretty sure it said that I'm pregnant.  Now see, I seem to remember people on television and in the movies being so happy after taking such a test and getting the same results.  I, on the other hand, am in total shock.  I'm 37 and in a somewhat precarious living situation and have absolutely no business being pregnant....and yet, I think I am.  I do not even have health insurance at the moment.  It was just one of those things I thought I would get around to soon enough.  Well TOO LATE NOW huh?

Life is crazy isn't it.  When I was 24, all I wanted in the whole world was to have a baby.  Back then, I would have given my right arm in order to be pregnant.  I went through a whole deal about having stage 4 endometriosis and having several doctors and fertility specialists tell me I had less than a 10% chance of ever having a baby.  I went through a bout of depression followed by an unparralled determination to adopt a baby despite the low odds of that happening, or so I was told.  I ended up being a foster mother to my now son and got him when he was 3 weeks old.  He's now 8.  Then I was quite surprised to learn that I was 3 months pregnant with my other son, now 4 1/2.  The look on my doctor's face when he performed the ultra-sound, was unforgettable.  And now, after I had finally come to the realization that I'm too old to have children and being settled in the fact of having two boys, I thought my family was complete.

The problem is, now I'm worried I may have an eptopic pregnancy, since I was also told I was at a greater risk for such a thing. 

I'll blog more once I come out of this shock........