# Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!"
# Take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
# Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
# "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
# To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
# You want to see if it's like the dream.
# People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
# Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
# Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
# No one steals your chair.

 

 

  1. I would not allow this employee to breed.
   2. This associate is not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be.
   3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
   4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whatever foot was previously there.
   5. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
   6. He set low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
   7. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
   8. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
   9. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard was not looking.
  10. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it together.
  11. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
  12. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
  13. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you will get change.
  14. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
  15. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig

When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, I'm ****-kissing.
When my boss pleases his boss, he's co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets

A Priest wanted to go to the post office. He asked a little boy the way. The boy took him to the post office. The Priest said to the boy" Thank you. Come to the Church tomorrow and I will show you the way to heaven. The boy turned andn said
"But you don't even know the way to the post office".

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"

The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."

"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"

The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."

The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"

"Well, here at the post office, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The other day at the Post Office here in I gave the clerk

a word of thanks.

She dropped it.

I remember when the Postal workers started a slow-down strike

for a pay raise.

They had to call it off -- nobody noticed.

I give 'em this though. The rural letter-carriers are more

considerate than their urban counterparts. All of the packages

marked "Fragile" are thrown underhanded in the rural stations.

One good thing about the Post Office -- it's over 200 years old

and yet it's never been hindered by progress.

A lady bought a stamp at the post office

and asked the clerk,

"Shall I stick it on myself?"

The clerk replied, "It'll get there faster if you stick it on

the envelope."

Did you hear the one about the unstamped letter?

You wouldn't get it.

What do you call Bob the Mailman after he gets fired?

Bob.

 

Why, Why, Why,



Why do we press harder on a remote control when we
know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks
charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when
they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are
four billion stars, but check when you say the paint
is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal
injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but
ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you
use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator
with hopes that something new to eat will have
materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times
with their vacuum cleaner, then reach
down, pick it
up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum
one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end
on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light
fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our
ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing
so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't
all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why
don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
that's falling off the table you always manage to
knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as
it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......The statistics on sanity is that
one out of every four persons are suffering from some
sort of mental illness. Think of
your three best
friends -- if they're okay, then it 's you.~~~