Blonde's Year In Review  
 
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!

March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....Box said 2-4 years                                                                                   
April
Trapped on escalator for hours .... Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit Into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
the other Swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn't call 911 ..... "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!


THE BEST  BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT  MAIL!"
 
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST IS:

THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND                   MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET  SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID  FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL  HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE  SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT,  THE BLONDE REPLIES,                                "I'M BLONDE, I'M  BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON THE PILOT SAYS,                                     "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL  HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE  SAYS, OH, I'M SORRY."                      AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.    
I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON. "

 WASHINGTON—Millions of Americans and thousands of federal employees awoke Monday to find the national mail service in disarray after a group of rowdy teens on a joyride reportedly destroyed up to 90 percent of the postal service's nationwide infrastructure with a baseball bat.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_postal_service_destroyed_by